At What Depth?

When we value who someone is, we value them entirely. Not as a utility, not as a reflection of our pride, but as themselves. Fully.

No conditions.

No agenda.

No performance bonuses.

No unreadable fine print.

Just pure, simple support and love. The kind of love that doesn’t clock in or out.

But when we value someone for what they are, a title, a role, or a highlight reel, we aren't loving a person true to their full identity. We're applauding a performance. And in doing so, we unwittingly teach them that their worth lives in the product, not the producer. Experiencing life as a person who was shown value after they performed a task to a certain level, the execution of the task gains priority. The outcome now matters more than the process.

The task becomes king. Execution becomes gospel. The outcome eclipses the process, and the soul quietly negotiates its exit clause.

In this mindset, we don’t see the person, we see the edited version that best flatters our narrative. A version crafted to please, to produce, to keep the applause going. It’s a sure-fire way to exile the true self while smiling like nothing happened.

The chameleon is me.

And I am him.

Color shifting to match the wallpaper of others expectations.

Far too often, we (the parents, the coaches, the other guiding voices in their head) tell young athletes who they need to be. Not for their growth, but for our own comfort. It’s not mentoring. It’s subtle puppeteering. This is a dangerous game to play.

We speak and they adapt. We nod and they contort. And because they’re so damn good at it, we never notice the cost. They show up as the loyal, polished, perfectly camouflaged chameleon. They become conflicted, exhausted, confused. While the surface remains serene, smooth as glass, what lies in the depths is chaos. A swirling sea of self calculations computing at what depth they need to drown their authenticity so the surface stays calm. Over time, the tranquil surface becomes a stage well lit, perfectly rehearsed, and endlessly tiring.

If we desire to empower the person, not just the performance, we have to honor who they are when the spotlight’s off. We must start valuing the soul beneath the shimmer, even when it doesn’t play to the crowd.